Cold Stone vs. Stone Cold

Let's play the debate game where we choose one possible "Can You Live Without" item, flip the words around and compare it to life without the other. First up, "Cold Stone." Yes, Cold Stone Creamery, home of the "The Ultimate Ice Cream Experience." Why is that their slogan? How does one become so utterly cool that they become the ultimate? The only two ultimate things that I'd nod an okay to is the Ultimate Warrior and Ultimate Frisbee, the toughest face paint wearing wrestler of all time and a game that you can basically chalk up to a mix of football and futbol, with a frisbee of course. Sounds intriguing, eh?

Let's admit it, life without Cold Stone would be ok with me. Truthfully, I don't even think I've ever stepped foot into a Cold Stone, let alone sniffed their ice cream during a frequent mall visit. I pretty much ignore them completly and turn down all the free samples because, let's just face it, Cold Stone to Rita's Water Ice is like comparing Shaq's free throw to a Kobe fade-away jumper. As the Southerners would say, "Dat aint nuffin, I'mma Nascurrr fan." Rita's Water Ice runs laps around Cold Stone like an offspring from Usain Bolt and Speedy Gonzales. That's all I have to say about that.

Stone Cold Steve Austin. Need I say more? Yes, otherwise this wouldn't be interesting. After pondering what life without Stone Cold would be like for months on end, I've come to the conclusion that we just wouldn't be the same without the man. How many people do you know that can break thru glass, chug a beer (with 3/4 of it missing your mouth and landing on the front 5 rows), smash that can of beer on your forehead, then throw the Stunner on your boss (Vince McMahon)? That just doesn't happen in everyday life. Life without Stone Cold is like Bob Barker surviving 35 years on The Price is Right without Plinko, Rod Roddy and Wilford Brimley. Let me break that down for you in Stone Cold language. Plinko was rigged, we all know it. The zero slot had tiny magnets that attempted to draw the chip to it, slightly missing the $10,000 slot (just kidding). Even with that sick knowledge, we continued to watch and cheer obnoxiously on every drop of the chip. Rod Roddy (RIP), and his silly crowd jittering "Come on down" celebration, never failed to amaze us. Barker would have been screwed if he was stuck with that slob they dumped on Drew Carey. Wilford Brimley brought a new meaning to commercial watching. Whether riding the horse or chillin out in the rocking chair, Wilford continued to intrigue us with his knowledge on diabetes. Doctors scurried with their notepads and pencils everytime Wilford appeared on our TVs, hoping to learn something new from the Ultimate Wilford. Diabetes without Wilford is like MJ without Scottie. Whoever said "One hand helps the other" could not have been anymore right here.

The debate is over. Stone Cold Steve Austin lays the smackdown on Cold Stone Creamery. And that's the bottom line!